User blog:ThunderClan in the Tardis/The time has come

Tonight, I have decided I will reveal who I am, but that's not all I will do. I also wish to share my story with you, which may help you understand why I wanted a fresh start.

My previous account was Cinderstar of ThunderClan.

Yup.

It's me, Cinder. (Actually, most of you on this wiki either guessed it or I told you. So this is nothing new. But let me do it this way for dramatic effect. Sorry for the interuption, keep reading.)

Now, onto my story.

My Story
To start off this story, first I'm going to have to start a bit before I joined wikia.

I don't know if you could tell when I was on here before, but I was going through a hard time. I didn't really talk to much about it, as far as I can remember, so you probably didn't know. I was struggling with shyness, loneliness and maybe a bit of depression (I was not diagnosed or anything, but I felt depressed. I may have been, I may not have been.)

It all started the summer before I joined wikia. That summer two very life-changing things happened. One, my best friend moved away, and two, I started calling myself shy. I wasn't truely shy before this, but when I was at summer camp, I noticed I was quiet after a long drive chattering non-stop to my friend (Who was in a different cabin than me), and thought to myself Oh, I must be shy. So shy I became.

That next year was brutal for me. Without my best friend, I didn't really have any other friends. I was too shy to really make any new friends. I tried. Believe me, I tried. But I didn't contribute enough to the friendships due to being shy, and I fell away from almost everyone. There were a few people I talked to regularly, but they weren't enough to make me feel, I don't know how to put it, not alone I guess.

I was really lonely. And I missed my best friend a lot. It was painful. That year was pretty much the only year I didn't like school.

Around that time, I discovered wikia. Now, it didn't solve all my problems, but I suppose it gave me a place I could go to where I felt like I belonged. It didn't feel that way at the time. Then it was just something I did because it was fun. But looking back, I suppose it was true. My friends here were probably the only friends I really felt were fully friends, other than maybe one girl at school.

But I still felt disconnected. I wasn't esactly lonely on wikia, but I was still shy. You would have noticed that. I would spend hours on chat and only talk at certain points. I held back. And you noticed. I'm not saying I didn't appreciate you, because I really did. All my friends here are amazing. I just wanted to explain how I felt.

Things started to get better when I switched schools the next school year. I made friends, so i wasn't lonely, and missing my best friend didn't feel as painful. But with all that out of the way, I noticed how big a problem my shyness really was.

I felt trapped by my shyness.

I desperately wanted to break free, but I didn't know how. And that frustrated me.

At some point amognst the struggle I fell away from the wiki. I grew more busy. I wasn't active enough to keep up with everything, and I felt disconnected.

However, during that time away, I changed.

I discovered that I was only shy because I had told myself I was. I made loads of discoveries that all helped me along my way to becomeing the new, confident me.

Now I know that I am not shy. I feel so free and amazing. I've changed. And it feels wonderful. Right now I am at the point where I am discovering who I am now that shyness no longer defines me (It was a big part of who I thought I was before). And I'm excited. I am excited to see what the future holds for me. I am growing more confident faster than I ever imagined I would and it's amazing.

So that is why I wanted a fresh start. I no longer wanted to be known as being shy. I wanted you all to get to know me as the new me without my previous shyness getting in the way, because that it no more a part of me.

But now, I'm not worried about my old reputation getting in the way. Not at all. Which Is why I revealed myself much sooner than I planned.

This is me.

I am Cinder.