User blog:Destiny Calling/Twilight Rant

I don't know why I've started this when there has been no recent mention of...of...can't say-err, type it. Hows about, unless I feel courageous enough to type it, we call it 'The Rape of English Liturature'? Okay? Good.

Anyway, as I was...typing, although there has been no recent mention of The Rape of English Liturature, I still want to take out all my pent up ranting about this book, whilst also praising, not this series, but another, better vampyre series.

Warning: There is swearing on here, however, all inappropriate words are asterixed. If you are unhappy with any of the...colourful language used in this rant, just tell me and I'll take it out.

Twilight Rant

Characters

Edward

Edward. Edward, Edward, Edward, Edward. You are nothing more than a pathetic, sparkly fairy virgin. You are not that special, you are not all that. You also have too big of a fanbase. I swear, once I'm done with this, I am going to go out and kill all Diehard, I'll-kill-you-if-you-hate-Edward, Ohmigosh-if-only-Bella-weren't-such-a-Mary-Sue-and-the-love-of-you-love-and-your-wife-and-the-mother-of-your-child-then-you'd-be-mine Edward fangirls, even if I have to get on a freakin boat (Which I hate because of all the rocking) and go all around the world to kill them. Then...no wait...mention this sentance at the end.

Bella

Oh God! Why the h*ll are you so (Swear word comin' up!) f***in stupid?! And you're still a Mary-Sue, even with such stupidity! The Access pupils at my school are smarter than you!! H*ll, uneducated hobos are smarter than you!! You are nothing more than a (Another one!) sh***y Mary-Sue, who later becomes a sparkly fairy-sue!! And, while I'm sure any mother would put their own baby's life ahead of their own, I think that if the baby is killing you, that is the cue for you to go (Warning!) 'F*** it! This damn b***h is killin' me! I don't want it anymore!' Once I'm finished with Edward's fanbase, Imma comin' after yours!

Jacob

...No comment. But only because my friend adores the actor who plays you in the movie.

Stephanie Meyer

Why the f*** would you create such a story? Bella's a mary-sue, Edward's a fairy (Heck, all the vamps are fairies) and the story is just plain...well, I don't know. I have no words to describe the storyline. But I am going to call up the mental institution-slash-rehab that your staying at (You know, for your mental problems and your drub abuse :3) and ask them to overdose you. Then, either failing that or to make sure you're really dead, Imma go there and kill you again/mutalate your corpse. :)

I'll be doing the world a favour.

House of Night series

Coming soon...